Take heart...

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. 

In this world you will have trouble. 

But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

I have recently been struggling with understanding how to rely on God alone with my personal struggles. He has been so gracious to me through this by showing me just how much He has done for me. When I used to be encountered by some hurt or trial, I would been rely on myself to help me get through it, but in all reality letting Him have it gives my heart so much peace.

This world thinks that independence is what you need to survive, but God tells us differently. We are to have complete dependence on Him. Now, for me, this is quite hard. I think I grew up believing I needed to be able to do things on my own because it would make me a better person. I was completely wrong. I need HIM! I need Him to pull me out of my yucky stuff. My fears, anxieties, worries and troubles. I need to keep holding on to the fact that he is in complete control.

He is I Am. 

He is Creator.

He is Redeemer.

He is comforter.

He is Healer.

God alone is my strength. He gives me strength to endure the trials. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3

Perseverance -- persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement. Webster Dictionary

This is my prayer in the desert

When all that's within me feels dry

This is my prayer in my hunger and need

My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire

In weakness or trial or pain

There is a faith proved o f more worth than gold

So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise, I will bring praise

No weapon formed against me shall remain

I will rejoice, I will declare

God is my victory and He is here.

Renew...

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Romans 12:2

My very good friend, Becky, recently wrote about Sticky Thoughts...  (She's AMAZING by the way!) But she really got me thinking. About the thoughts I have about failing and falling short of the glory of God. There are times when TRY (so very hard) to do the right thing for Him and I don't. I can totally relate to Paul when he writes about this in Romans 7:14-25.

The ability to renew my mind and not let those sticky thoughts stay sticky is key. 

The enemy wants me to be discouraged. Wants me to think I'm unlovable and not worth it and incapable of doing the right thing. He wants me to fail. He tempts me and tricks me into believing his lies. If I practice telling myself truths, he'll literally bombard my mind with lies. And so with all my mistakes, failures, and sins I allow the enemy to give birth to these negative thoughts that overcome me and I can't get away from them.

When this happens all I can do is this:

Rely on God.

Make progress. 

Don't get stuck.

Little by little.

Change my thoughts.  (Don't let them stay sticky!)

Don't get discouraged. 

Seek forgiveness from God and from myself.

Know that change will come. 

And when I fail again, don't let it destroy me. Just have hope.

Hope that God knows what He is doing. 

Hope that these failures will bring me closer to Him.

Hope that He loves me no matter what. 

Hope that even though I don't deserve this --

that He is right here with me wrapping His arms around me and lifting my head up. 

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Comforter, Counselor, Helper, Intercessor, Advocate, Strengthener, and Standby, that He may remain with you forever. 

John 14:16

My thorn...

To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'."

2 Corinthians 12:7-9 

His grace is sufficient for ME. His power is made perfect in MY weakness. Anyone else need to hear that today? Through these glorious two years I have been following Christ I have been overwhelmed with love from Him but not without my struggles.

One of the biggest struggles I have in my life is anxiety. It overcomes my soul at times. I cannot control these thoughts I have about my life. I fear I am going to get sick, like minor sicknesses such as the flu or THE STOMACH BUG (YUCK!), but I also have the fear that I am going to get a horrible serious sickness, like cancer. 

When I tell most people about this fear, they say things like, "Megan, you are so healthy!', or 'you are 24 years old' or, 'that is an irrational fear." I totally get this! But still satan TORMENTS my mind with these thoughts.

This thorn of anxiety has made me feel scared and fearful but most of all weak. I want SO badly to trust exactly what Jeremiah 29:11 says, "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a FUTURE." He says it right there -- God has a future for me. I just need to let Him have it. 

So many wonderful scriptures have been helping me along this journey. I have a special 3x5 index card pink carrying case with about 50 scriptures in them (alphabetized of course). When I am feeling anxious I will take the cards out and read them to be filled with hope and peace. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

As long as I believe -- REALLY believe that God is there and that he is going to do something good, I can stop freaking out. Even though I know there are going to be some things and maybe some AWFUL things that come into my life, God is great and he has a plan for me. I have to change my thoughts to align with the TRUTH of God's word, not the lies of Satan.

I have been reading Unlgued: Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst -- In this book she talks about toxic thoughts and emotions.  Lysa says, "We are to think about, ponder, and PARK our minds on constructive thoughts not destructive thoughts. Thoughts that build us UP, not tear us down. Thoughts that breathe LIFE, not suck life from us. Thoughts that lead to PEACE, not anxiety.

Lord, I pray that my thoughts each and every day may change in accordance to your Truth, not the enemy's lies. Please guard my heart and mind. I pray that my fears will go away in time. I pray that I trust You with all of my heart with my future. I know You have great plans for me and I give my future to You. I thank You for the plans You have for me. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. 

Philippians 4:6-7

He won't leave...

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5b

Sometimes it's so hard for me to comprehend/recognize/TRUST just how much God loves me. He wants us to live for Him and to shine our light and our love of Christ everyday and always.

Earlier tonight I was at my friend's house (she's more like my counselor, mother, friend and mentor all mixed into one fabulous woman) and doing some of the Beth Moore Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman Bible study that we have been working on together.

One of the quotes that really struck me was about becoming more like Christ. Which actually was something my pastor spoke to yesterday he said we are becoming 'little Christs'. On page 38 Beth writes, "Even those most serious about their pursuit of God and godliness fail to be perfect examples all the time. That's why God is busy conforming us into the the likeness of Christ alone."

Amazing. Grace. That's just it. God takes our mistakes and makes them into something beautiful. Even when we are trying to live Godly lives and be lights in this world (and trust me it can be SO hard sometimes!) --- we ARE -- most definitely -- going to make mistakes, and fail. But God loves us NO MATTER WHAT. Simple enough.

We do need to ask for His forgiveness, but he will never say, "Not this time Megan" or, "That mistake you made is too awful for me to forgive", and "I cannot forgive you." NEVER will he say that. I am overwhelmed with joy by this!

We are going to make mistakes. We are going to fail. BUT we don't have to fall down because of those things. God has unending love for each one of us.

Now this idea of God never leaving is something that I've really REALLY REALLY struggled with recently, and I'll share another time about the reasons why. But on the way home tonight (which is literally a 1 minute drive from my friend's house to my house) I heard the song Times by Tenth Avenue North. Simply beautiful. I've heard this song so many times, but God knew I needed to hear it tonight.

I don't care where you've fallen

Or where you have been

I'll never forsake you

My love never ends

How it all started...

 For God so LOVED the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

John 3:16 NIV

My whole life I had felt like something was missing. A BIG something, by the way, but, I could never quite put my finger on what or who it was. All I knew was that I was not complete. Throughout my life I had come across many people who had personal relationships with God. I was always intrigued and interested, but never knew how to ask.

Then I moved from Massachusetts to Maine, for college, and I met a wonderful friend. That friend impressed me by her unfailing, unwavering, unconditional love for Jesus. I wanted to ask her about it, but felt I couldn't conjure up the strength to do so. There even was one time we had coffee together and she shared her testimony and I guess I just didn't let it change my life like I wish I would have. (And to be completely honest -- I felt at that time in my life it wouldn't have been the "cool" thing to do-- so ridiculous to think now!) 

When that friend graduated two years before me in college we fell out of touch. She got married and started her beautiful family. BUT, God is so good, that He brought us together again. In December 2010 she invited me to dance in a Christmas show at her church. 

At this point in my life -- boy, was I a mess. I was twenty-two years old, five hours away from my family, just graduated college with no job prospects, and just felt completely worthless. During one of the rehearsals for the Christmas show I just started crying. I really don't know the exact reason, but I couldn't control it. Tears just kept flowing. Thankfully, my loving friend was there for me. She shared with me about her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and that I could have Him in my life too. I knew in that moment, I needed Him more than ever. 

Ever since that day that I accepted Him into my life, it has been so CLEAR. I felt so free. I honestly feel like that BIG something that I was missing is now complete. And I am not saying that my life is not messy now, because it definitely IS and it may even be a little MORE messy. But, the one  thing I can hold onto is that I don't have to do this messy life on my own. Praise God!